Ze Older Stuff

My Advice to the Residents of Township 15, Range 15 in Maine…

Here’s the quick run-down of what’s happening to a citizen of this town in Maine:

Feds Fine Man $10,000 for Going to Church

The federal government is fining a resident of Maine $10,000 for going to church.

Richard Albert, 52, of the remote northern hamlet of Township 15 Range 15, said the U.S. Bureau of Customs and Border Protection recently notified him of two $5,000 fines for twice crossing from Quebec into Maine on a Sunday, when the border station is closed.

Albert’s home is 30 yards from the Canadian border, beside the U.S. Customs office. The church is on Quebec’s side of the border, which means he has to cross the boundary illegally to attend services.

He “said he has been crossing the U.S.-Canada border at his own discretion for more than 40 years. But border security has been tightened since last May when the Bureau of Customs eliminated its Form 1 program,” the Associated Press reported today.

“That program allowed preapproved people to cross the border when certain border stations, including the one between Township 15 Range 15 and St. Pamphile, Quebec, were closed.”

‘Nightmare’ Caused by ‘Big Brother’

He said: “It was never an issue to cross before May 1, 2003, when they put a gate on the boundary and locked it up. This situation, it’s like having a nightmare, and you feel that Big Brother is really controlling you, and you can do nothing about it.”

The dozen or so people who live in the settlement rely on St. Pamphile for more than religion. It has the area’s only stores, medical facility and other comforts of civilization.

The U.S. border station is open only from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. weekdays and 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Saturday. The next closest crossing is 200 miles away by dirt logging roads through Fort Kent. Canada gives U.S. residents passes to cross at any time.

“We’re supposed to stay here and not move? There’s nothing here on the American side,” Albert said. “We feel like we’re being treated like animals here. At 9 p.m. we’re locked in the barns, and at 6 a.m. we’re let out to pasture.”

No doubt he’d have better luck if he moved to a Mexican border town and waded the Rio Grande daily. Hey, and that way he could get “free” health care in U.S. hospitals at taxpayers’ expense.

So here’s my advice to these people:

Get your rifles, pistols, and ammo ready. Go to the gate on Sunday morning. Cut the locks off and destroy the gate. Leave a note for the border guards for when they arrive on Monday:


Place a bullet as a paper weight for the note. It may be a good idea to include a map for their convenience. Government types aren’t generally known for intelligence.

See if the Gestapo comes back. Take turns amongst the townspeople sabotaging the gate works.

Eventually they’ll either get the idea or bring in the military. Either way, you’ve got a great coupe on your hands: they leave, or you get to scream to the press about being “held hostage by the government.”


Got comments? Email me, dammit!