Ze Older Stuff

What You Have to Believe to Be a Good Republican

by Joe McCarthy

30 March 2004

1. You have to believe that Soviet imperialism was bad, but that US imperialism is good.

2. You have to believe that subsidies and taxpayer financed bailouts for multinational corporations promote free trade.

3. You have to believe that importing non-White immigrants into a White country promotes national cohesion.

4. You have to believe that abortion is murder, unless the child is conceived in rape or incest.

5. You have to believe that Soviet occupation of Eastern Europe was criminal, but that Israeli occupation of Palestine is commendable.

6. You have to believe that Semitic Arabs are anti-Semites.

8. You have to believe that Bill Clinton’s budgets were examples of big government liberalism, but that George Bush’s first budget, which increased spending over any Clinton budget, was an example of conservative frugality.

9. You have to believe that Iraq should have been attacked and embargoed, but that China should be coddled and built up.

10. You have to believe that Osama bin Laden, a wealthy Arab who voluntarily lives in a cave when he could be sunbathing on a beach in Maui, hates us for our wealth and prosperity.

11. You have to believe opposing Bush’s amnesty for illegal aliens is racist, but that bombing Arabs is not.

12. You have to believe that France is a bad socialist basketcase, but that Israel is a good socialist basketcase.

13. You have to believe that the best way to export democracy and prosperity to a country, is to bomb that country.

14. You have to believe that the welfare state is bad — unless the welfare goes to corporate fatcats.

15. You have to believe that Clinton’s cozying up to the Chicoms was treason, but that the Bush family’s long support for the Chicoms isn’t treason.

16. You have to believe that bin Laden is a threat to our freedom, but that John Ashcroft is not.

17. You have to believe that Iraq, which was in violation of approximately 16 UN resolutions should have been attacked, but that Israel, which is in violation of over 70 UN resolutions shouldn’t even be sanctioned.

18. You have to believe that Saudi Arabia is an enemy of the United States, but that George Bush isn’t an enemy of the United States for considering the Saudis allies.

19. Finally, you have to believe that this piece, which is critical of the government, was written by an anti-American traitor.

JOE MCCARTHY

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