Ze Older Stuff

Half a Brain Is Better Than No Brain

by Bob Wallace

All of the research I’ve seen over the past several years claims that men only use half their brain, while women use all of theirs. This I believe, since I can drive and listen to the radio simultaneously (obviously men use the same side of their brains for driving and music, meaning driving a car is like listening to music!) but if I have to look for an address, down goes the radio volume, since I’m using the Address-Looking-For Side, which doesn’t get along all that well with the Music/Driving Side, so I end up like a duck walking in circles because one leg is shorter than the other.

The good thing about this half-a-brain stuff is that men can concentrate on one thing, like writing software and programming a computer for 20 hours straight while subsisting on Coke and Ding Dongs, or studying a fly’s eyeball for 20 years, which is why we’ve invented almost everything, like squirtguns and bubblegum. It comes from being able to tune out most of the world.

Women, on the other hand, supposedly use all of their brains, meaning the poor double-hemisphered things can’t tune out the world to the blissful extent that men can, so the end result is that neither sex understands the other. It’s also why some women (like all of them except .00000001%) can’t drive, or else have to do a 17-point parallel park, because they’re paying attention to too many things at once, like driving and talking on the cellphone and putting on their make-up while looking in the rear-view mirror and rear-ending my Chevy Cavalier twice in one day.

…for more go to http://www.strike-the-root.com/4/wallace/wallace3.html


Got comments? Email me, dammit!