Ze Older Stuff

The Top 14 Signs You’re Married to a Liberal

April 16, 2004

(Today’s list was originally published on April 5, 1999)

The Top 14 Signs You’re Married to a Liberal

14> In your wedding vows, “love, honor, and cherish” were

replaced with “legitimize, empower, and respect her

reproductive freedom.”

13> Pile of burned Ken Starr effigies in the back yard is

starting to block the sun.

12> Supports Al Gore for President in 2000, but has no idea why.

11> After a poor performance in the bedroom, you find yourself

enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings.

10> To rectify years of persecution to women, she makes you

wipe your own ass.

9> Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given

your killer.

8> You casually mention your “Euthanize the Homeless” idea

and — BANG! — no sex for a month.

7> What, the family budget is *BALANCED*? Quick, let’s get

to the mall and buy something!

6> Insists his socks are not mismatched, they’re “diverse.”

5> He was a tireless advocate of gun control until the

impeachment hearings started. Now he owns a rocket


4> At the height of passion, cries out, “Tax me!!!”

3> It’s bad enough that he looks like an extra from “Deliverance”

— now he can’t keep his loudmouth Cajun trap shut on those

talk shows.

2> Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, “Fur is


and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Sign You’re Married to a Liberal…

1> She’s got the kids playing “Barbaric Imperialists and

Innocent Native Americans” again.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 1999, 2004 by Chris White ]

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