April 16, 2004
(Today’s list was originally published on April 5, 1999)
The Top 14 Signs You’re Married to a Liberal
14> In your wedding vows, “love, honor, and cherish” were
replaced with “legitimize, empower, and respect her
13> Pile of burned Ken Starr effigies in the back yard is
starting to block the sun.
12> Supports Al Gore for President in 2000, but has no idea why.
11> After a poor performance in the bedroom, you find yourself
enrolled in a federal program to correct your shortcomings.
10> To rectify years of persecution to women, she makes you
wipe your own ass.
9> Misses your funeral to protest the harsh sentence given
8> You casually mention your “Euthanize the Homeless” idea
and — BANG! — no sex for a month.
7> What, the family budget is *BALANCED*? Quick, let’s get
to the mall and buy something!
6> Insists his socks are not mismatched, they’re “diverse.”
5> He was a tireless advocate of gun control until the
impeachment hearings started. Now he owns a rocket
4> At the height of passion, cries out, “Tax me!!!”
3> It’s bad enough that he looks like an extra from “Deliverance”
— now he can’t keep his loudmouth Cajun trap shut on those
2> Constantly pelts your cats with ketchup, screeching, “Fur is
and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Sign You’re Married to a Liberal…
1> She’s got the kids playing “Barbaric Imperialists and
Innocent Native Americans” again.
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