Posted: July 2nd, 2004 by Militant Libertarian
As we go out to celebrate our freedom this 4th of July, let’s go over a few things to make your celebration a success.
Before leaving home make sure you check the color coded Homeland Security alert status. Be especially careful if it is orange or red. Don’t worry about yellow. It’s always yellow.
Be aware of your surroundings at all times. New Yorkers, in particular, watch out for those pesky mushroom clouds.
Don’t use any illegal fireworks in your 4th Celebration. It is for your own safety. And the founding father’s implemented a government to protect you from yourselves. Didn’t they? Besides, fireworks are explosive devices and you might be considered a terrorist with weapons of mass destruction. And although the government can’t find any in Iraq, you can rest assured they will find them in your car trunk. But don’t worry, getting arrested, imprisoned indefinitely without formal charges, and a 5 year wait before the secret tribunal trial per the Patriot Act is a breeze. It’s that secret summary execution that should make you nervous.
Make sure you are buckled up in your seat belts, there will be roadblocks and checkpoints to make sure you comply. It is for the children, you know.
If you are an airline employee, lighten up for the holiday, you can always look for a job tomorrow. Maybe you could transfer over to a Federal Airport Security Screener job. Big demand for those jobs and you don’t have to be smart.
If you are a Haliburton employee, then celebrate, you probably have a raise coming from the Iraqi contract windfall.
If celebrating on any public property, make no mention or relgious ideals. Government is god there. You will be apprehended.
Have your papers ready as you approach the holiday police checkpoints.
Don’t criticize the President or other government officials, you might be in violation of the Patriot Act and considered a possible terrorist. Remember: “If you’re not WITH US, you’re AGAINST US”.
Don’t mention the Constitution in any district court or you could be held in contempt.
If your children get out of line this holiday, do not discipline them, or they may be kidnapped by the Dept. of Social Services and held hostage until you receive approved psychological therapy and are deemed acceptable.
Show compassion this Independence Day by bringing an illegal immigrant to your celebration or by hugging a tree.
If an election is occurring in your locality within the next 90 days, do not talk about or publicly support any candidate, as that is no longer lawful. Keep your mouth shut.
If an officer asks to search your vehicle at the “seat belt” checks, do not be beligerent and demand a search warrant. Standing up for your Fourth Amendment rights is anti-social and not in tune with the new American way. Are you with Al Quada or something?
Do not get upset when the searching officer will not help you pick up your belongings that he has strewn all over the highway as he searched your vehicle. It is not in his job description and complaining will get you charged with obstructing justice.
Keep your guns at home. You are not going hunting and besides, What on earth do guns have to do with American Independence? Better yet, turn your guns into the authorities to let them know that you are a true patriotic American.
Better yet, just STAY at home. BUT do not assume that you are safe, because you are at home. If a government bureaucrat shows up at your home, he will probably be flashing a badge at you. This makes him look like a constitutional law enforcement officer. He may even be armed. Do not ask to see a warrant, and then tell him to leave if he does not have one. They will put a siege around your house. If you do not come out soon enough, they may invade, with guns drawn, or even set your house on fire. For more information, do a search using keywords like “Symbionese Liberation Army”, “Philadelphia MOVE group”, “Gordon Kahl”, “The Order”, “Robert Matthews”, “Covenant of the Sword and Arm of the Lord”, “Randy Weaver” , “Branch Davidian”, or “Elian Gonzalez”.
If you are counting on you congressman to protect you, understand that the average congressman is ALSO afraid to resist. For more information, do a search using keywords like “George Hanson” , “James Traficant” or “Larry McDonald”.
If celebrating at the mall in Washington D. C., you are probably safe as the mall is now monitored by hundreds of surveillance cameras, watched by federal security forces. Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want them to see.
Bring lots of cash with you, there will be many taxes, fines, and fees to pay as you celebrate your freedoms this day.
Do not leave home without your driver’s license, social security card, birth certificate, welfare card, medicare card, medical records, W-2 Form, and two others forms of ID. You may be asked for them at the police checkpoints. Better yet, get micro-chipped, and avoid the hassle of carrying around your papers.
Bring your library card, the FBI may ask you for it.
Do not put any “anti-government” bumper stickers on your car. Especially not anything about the Right to Keep and Bear Arms. Police have been trained by the FBI in “bumper sticker profiling”. This attracts their attention at the check points, and makes you look like a terrorist.
With regard to “bumper sticker profiling” you should be especially aware of the fact that “They will get my gun, when they pry it from my cold dead fingers” is no longer mere semantics. At WACO, and at RUBY RIDGE, we learned that they WILL kill you to take your guns
ALSO, be careful not to have any unauthorized THOUGHTS. There are now serious penalties for “thought crime”. Be aware that “civil forfeiture” laws make it possible to take anything that you own, by alleging that it was “intended” to be used for the commission of a crime. This could include transporting or storing a gun. If “civil forfeiture” proceedings are initiated against you, then you will have the burden of proof, to show that your thoughts were in compliance with government standards.
If traveling by air this Independence Day, do not give the airport screeners a hard time. They are feeling you up and molesting your daughter and wife for the security of America. If you complain you could be arrested. You don’t support Bin Laden do you?
Keep an eye on your fellow Americans as you celebrate this 4th of July. If you see anything supicious, take notes so that when you get home you can call and report them to the Homeland Security Office. And remember you are not a nosey snitch, you are a great American Patriot.
Do not mention the signers of the Declaration of Independence this 4th of July. Mentioning these white subversive terrorists is not popular and could get you in big trouble. Besides what do these guys have to do with the 4th of July anyway?
Do not leave home without one or more little plastic American flags made by political slaves in Communist China. Make sure you have one flying from the antennae of your vehicle. You don’t want to seem un-American do you?
Do not take a copy of the Declaration of Independence with you as it advocates the overthrow of tyrannical government. It is a terrorist document and will be confiscated at the holiday police checkpoints. Same advice for the Constitution.
And remember, as you leave home for your 4th of July outing, that the second you stepped out of your door that you probably broke hundreds of federal, state, and local laws that you are probably unaware of. However, if you tow the line, you will not be charged.
Don’t even think about taxes on this great day. The 50 per cent government confiscation of your income at the threat of imprisonment or at the point of a gun should not even cross your mind as you revel in your freedom. After all, April 15th is a long way off.
And whatever you do, do not let on that you really know that true freedom died a long time ago in America, just have fun for the day and then go home and stick your head back in the sand and pretend America is not becoming a socialist police state.
Now go out there and celebrate your freedom and liberty and have a great sanitized, politically correct, and thoroughly Marxian, government approved and authorized Independence Day!
If you have a few decades with nothing better to do, study up on “administrative law”. Laws are now made by the unelected bureaucrats, in hundreds of “administrative agencies”. If you are charged with violating one of these “laws” you will not get a trial by a jury of your peers. You will be tried by the agency that made the charge.
I hope this message gets past the Department of Homeland security approved internet filter. How else can they protect us from unauthorized thought?
Now go out and celebrate your independence and have a great Independence Day!
This came from the Internet and is being passed around via email. I do not know its original source.
Got comments? Email me, dammit!