Ze Older Stuff

F-ing with Collectors

I talked to my friend Dave today and he told me about what he did do a collection agent who continues to call his home, despite his repeated statements that the person they’re looking for (someone named Ivan Gonzales or something) does not live there and does not have that phone number – and hasn’t for a year.

Anyway, the agents continue to call regardless.

Dave considered the idea of suing them for harassment, but decided that messing with them would be more fun.

Here’s an excerpt of what he’s doing to them:

[Phone rings]

Dave: Hello?

Agent (female): “Ivan Gonzales?”

Dave: Knock knock

Agent: “Sir, are you Mr. Ivan Gonzales?”

Dave: Just play along and I’ll answer any question you’ve got. Knock knock.

Agent: [sigh] Who’s there?

Dave: A stupid collection agent.

Agent: Sir, please. Are you Ivan Gonzales?

Dave: Comon, let’s finish.

Agent: Stupid Collection Agent who?

Dave: YOU! [click]

[The phone rings again shortly after and Dave once again answers.]

Agent: Sir, I believe we got disconnected.

Dave: See, told you so! A smart collections agent would have realized that I’d hung up on them! [click]

[The phone once again rings.]

Agent (male): Sir, one of my agents has told me that you are treating her very rudely. If you will just speak with us, I’m sure we can come to an equitable term to take care of your debt.

Dave: Knock knock

Agent: Sir?

Dave: Knock knock

Agent: Who’s there?

Dave: SUCKER [click]

They didn’t call back.

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