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How to install a wireless security system:

Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men’s used work boots … a really big pair. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine. Put a dog
dish beside it … a really big dish. Leave a note on your front door that says something like this:

“Bubba, Big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition – back in 30 minutes. Don’t disturb the pit bulls, they’ve just been wormed.”

As a word of caution, the security system on my pickup is a sticker which reads ‘Warning: Driver Only Carries $20 Worth of Ammo’ – someone broke into my truck anyway. Oh well.

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