Militant Rants

US federal government shuts down due to snow

Look at the headline above, which comes from RawStory, and think about it for a second.  Think hard.  What did El Presidente Obama announce in the last few days that could possibly have forced God’s hand and made Him decide to fill Washington, D.C. with snow?  Real snow.  Like snow on a Biblical scale.  So huge, even Mel Brooks couldn’t have made a movie that included it without going waaaayyy over budget.

What could have prompted that reaction?

Some of you might think it was because the president appointed a new Climate Czar to oversee all of our climate change woes.  Right?  Bring global warming back into line and whatever, that’s the guy’s job.  Think that is what did it?

Nope, because that would be too obvious.  God works in mysterious ways and stuff.  So I thought on it some more and I finally got it.

It’s because he appointed a Climate Czar and overlooked the most obvious, most well-qualified, most perfect candidate for the job!  He didn’t appoint Al Gore to the position!

This, people, is total and complete proof that our current seat-warmer in the White House is a complete dolt and that he’s so bad at his job that even God had to step in and say “enough!”

Either that or Al is really pissed and decided to use his super-secret climate control machine hidden up there in Alaska.  The whole thing about mind control and whatever that Jesse Ventura talked about in his show?  That’s a snow job (no pun intended) to keep you off track so you won’t know what Lex LuthGore is really all about.  Superman better wake his ass up before his Arctic crystal house thing melts from global warming.

Screw it, I’m calling in Chuck.