Militant Rants

Internet helped Flight 253 suspect radicalize, attack plane ‘within weeks’

Mili Note: The following is something I saw on DProgram today and wanted to comment on.  The following is the original story with my own commentary interspersed. Note that my comments are not an attack on Tony Romm, who is merely the reporter here, providing the story.

by Tony Romm, The Hill

Garry Reid, Deputy Assistant Dillweed from SpecOps

The Internet allowed extremists to contact, recruit, train and equip the suspect responsible for the attempted Flight 253 bombing on Christmas Day “within weeks,” a top Pentagon official told lawmakers Wednesday.

Next, they’ll tell us they were using social media and multi-leveled, network marketing expertise to leverage their Web optimization and interpersonal skills to produce highly evolved interpersonal relationships with clients and potential partners.

That relatively brief time frame only speaks to how quickly extremist groups have “optimized” the Web and developed a “highly evolved” process by which to develop terrorist networks, added Garry Reid, deputy assistant secretary of Defense for Special Operations and Combating Terrorism.

Pachow! Told ya!  Funny thing is, so is some chick named Alice, according to her resume’ (which I quoted).  She must be a terrorist and not just some marketing guru from a now-defunct MLM scam. Wait a minute…

“Enabled by 21st-century technology, extremists have optimized the use of Internet chat rooms, Web sites and e-mail chains to spread their virulent messages and reach a global audience of potential recruits,” Reid told the Senate Armed Services Committee in prepared testimony.

Holy crap!  I knew it!  MLM scammers are terrorists!  Victimizing old ladies and late-night, unemployed fat guys!  It’s right there in black-and-white, folks!  The gubmint says!

“It is this highly evolved radicalization process that enabled al Qaeda in the Arabian Peninsula to make contact with a wealthy Nigerian student living in London, recruit, train and equip him in the remote tribal regions of Yemen, position him in the Netherlands and ultimately dispatch him on a suicide mission to the United States, all within a period of weeks,” Reid added.

Note that they left out Nigeria as a place and instead just said he’s a “wealthy Nigerian student” instead.  Nice touch.  All the smart terrorists MLMers know that Nigeria is on all the spam blocker lists now.  Adding the Netherlands is a new one, but we all know these terrorists love hashish.  They forgot to mention his rich dad who gave him all this cash and who called the FBI to tell them about his son.  Too bad, adding that little bit of info would give legitimacy to this story and make it more believable.  I mean, the FBI knew about it.  That’s solid.

“By contrast, the 9/11 operation took about two and a half years to develop from the time Osama bin Laden approved it in April 1999,” he said.

Wait, the what?  Oh, ya, mention the old tech.  In 2001, they didn’t have Twitter or 3G iPhones or anything.  People were cavemen in those days.

Wednesday’s hearing before the Senate Armed Services’ Emerging Threats subcommittee arrives as federal prosecutors investigate how suspect Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab evaded airport security and almost detonated a bomb aboard Flight 253 over Detroit last year.

But it is not the only recent terrorist act or plot with roots traceable to the Web, according to federal officials.

Oo, oo, here’s where they bring in the reason for new regulations and ways of thinking.  See, they’re having hearings about something that happened a few months ago and are going to “get to the bottom of it” so that the fast-paced world of bureaucratic government can keep on top of what the MLMers are going to be doing to terrorize people in the coming years.  Then they’ll implement their new master plan to protect everyone as soon as the technology to make it happen is at least a year out of date.  Awesome.  I hear the Pentagon just upgraded to Amigas they got at a huge discount from a wholesaler for only $80,000 each.  Totally state of the art.

A grand jury on Tuesday indicted Pennsylvania woman Colleen Renee LaRose — known in reports as “Jihad Jane” — for conspiring to commit terrorism abroad. LaRose was arrested last year for allegedly passing information to known terrorist groups, which she first contacted online.

Last year, federal investigators also discovered that Maj. Nidal Malik Hassan e-mailed an allegedly radical cleric in Yemen prior to killing 13 officers at the Fort Hood military base. However, intelligence officers reportedly knew about those exchanges before the attack.

Consequently, those testifying at Wednesday’s hearing agreed that U.S. intelligence needed to pay more attention to those emerging threats online, identifying extremist networks and responding to those who pose an imminent risk to U.S. interests.

Gee, you think?  How can I make fun of this statement?  o.O

“If we can stop them upstream when they are becoming radicalized, then obviously we have an easier job of it than when they are downstream and they are getting into all kinds of dangerous activities,” said Ambassador Daniel Benjamin during prepared testimony.

Wait?  Upstream?  Downstream?  What the hell does that mean?  Obviously, this is no Navy man or he’d know his currents.  I have no idea what he’s talking about here.  Maybe it’s a salmon reference and he’s afraid these MLM terrorists are going to swim up the river and sperm all over everything or something.

Seriously, folks.  They’ve been pushing the Internet filtering, monitoring, and regulating pretty hard lately.  They’re going to start doing so soon.