Laughter's Medicine

Bank Robber Escapes on Eco-Friendly BMX

by Aaron Turpen, EVMeme

Chalk this up to being both funny as hell and simultaneously environmentally friendly.  A bank robber in Washington (state, not D.C. – bank robbery takes a different form in D.C., usually surrounding that giant bank called the Fed, but I digress) entered a Key Bank in Woodinville, produced a pistol, and proceeded to go fully Dead Presidents on the tellers.

Grabbing the loot, he made for the door and, in true cowboy fashion, jumped on his trusty steed to make good his escape.

Except this happened in 2010, not the Wild West, and his trusty steed was an emissions-free BMX bicycle, not some farting horse or smoke-spewing muscle car.  No, that’s not a typo, folks.  He jumped on a kid’s bicycle and made good his escape, eluding police by way of, well, pedaling.

Now get this.  The folks in Washington are so scared of being racist, they can’t pin a “race” on a guy even though they can tell you exactly what color his hair, clothes, and even the black-and-red Huffy was (most BMX-style bikes are K/Wal-Mart Huffies, so I make an assumption).

So the black-clad evil doer runs into the bank, jumps on the counter waving his pistol, grabs the loot, and pedals away to safety.

I know you’re not supposed to rob banks and that threatening people with a pistol is bad and all, but.. comon, what’s not to love about this story?  Does anyone feel bad for Key Bank (who, incidentally, received a few billion in bailouts last year)?  Really?

Me either.  In the end, it’s easy to see this bicycling John Dillinger figure as a kind of hero.  I’m sure Bruce Willis will play him in the movie version.

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Militant Libertarian

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