Laughter's Medicine

Directions Are For Wusses

by Aaron Turpen, EVMeme

Stopping for directions is the pussy’s way out.  Don’t believe me?  British insurance firm Sheilas’ Wheels (if my Crocodile Dundee is correct, “Sheila” means “girl”) looked at male drivers in Britain and found that the average man drives an extra 276 miles per year because he won’t stop for directions.  With the pansies they have in the UK, I can imagine the numbers are much higher here in the US of A.

Of course, there are gadgets to save that fuel if you’re really smart and tech-savvy.  Like the Garmin or whatever.  Maps?  Pshaw, those are last-century.  We don’t need no stinkin maps.  East is East, man.  You need a map to tell you that?

Interestingly, the survey accompanying the study showed that 25% of (British) men would prefer to wander aimlessly instead of asking for directions.  That means that 75% of those limey girlie-men would stop and ask.  Right after adjusting their skirt, of course.  Make sure your bodice is straight, wuss-boy.

Only 41% of men would admit to telling their passengers that they knew where they were going, even if they weren’t.  This is more proof of Brit stupidity.  Here in the U.S.?  Only 5 or 6% of men would be dumb enough to admit that they lie to their passengers.  The rest of us aren’t that stupid.  BELIEVE the lie and you will pull it off.  First rule of gradeschool sociology.

Then, of course, they add some kind of dollar (or pound or whatever those idiots that still believe in kings and queens have over there) figure to what the whole thing costs.  Every American man knows that you can’t put a price on manliness.  It’s priceless.  Saw it on an AmEx commercial once.

For the final straw to prove that  British men are bollocks-less?  30% of them would ask for directions immediately upon realizing they were lost while only 7% more women (37%) would do the same.  If that’s your idea of gender equality, you can stay over there on your limp-wristed little island, girly-man.

Hell, Lewis and Clark only had a vague idea where they were going and I highly doubt they ever asked Sacajawea for directions either.  She was a translator, not a map reader.  Hell, those guys were drawing the damn map!  Now that is manly.

Stupid Brits got their maps from the real men who came from Norway anyway.  Vikings… now those were dudes that could carve up the landscape and not worry about whether or not they were “lost.”   It’s hard to be lost when you are the very definition of awesome.