Bin Laden is dead, we’ve been told. What a relief! According to the official White House explanation of events, it was Bin Laden who masterminded the 9/11 airplane hijackings and commanded his minions to fly them into the World Trade Center buildings. Therefore, we were told, we needed to bring in a whole new layer ofairport securityacross America to keep us all safe from the evil mind of Bin Laden. This, of course, gave rise to the TSA.
Now over 60,000 agents strong,the TSAis the agency that feels our junk while ordering us to throw away our bottled water. They’re the ones that march us through thosenaked body scannersor order us to spread our legs while they feel our private parts withthe backsof their hands. We’re all repeatedly beingbackhandedby our owngovernmentagents, in other words.
TSA agents, of course, had Bin Laden to thank for theirjobsecurity. As long as we were told that Bin Laden was hiding out in a cave somewhere — connected to a dialysismachine, no less — we were promised airtravelwas dangerous and we all needed to submit toTSAtreatments that would normally be considered a kind of sexual molestation if not carried out by a federal agent. (Molesting a six-year-old child is a crime if your neighbor does it, but when a TSA agent does it right on camera, Napolitano calls it “professional.”)
So now a celebration is in order, right? Bin Laden is dead! Hoorah! Thethreatto our air safety is over! The entire TSA can pack up and go back to working at Wal-Mart, where the government found them in the first place.
Don’t hold your breath onfreedom
Uh, not so fast. You see, even though we were told that Osama Bin Laden was the “evilmastermind” behind the terror that threatenedAmerica, and even though the so-called “war on terror” was focused in large part on hunting down this one individual, PresidentObamanow tells us that killing Bin Laden has made Americamoredangerous than ever before.
Huh? Wasn’t killing Bin Laden supposed to make us safer? Sort of like killing Hitler and taking out the Nazi war machine?
But no, killing Bin Laden has apparentlydecreasedour security, we’re now told. So alert levels are being raised all across the country, andTSA agentsare reaching even deeper down your pants than ever before as ifterrorismwere somehow found in the darkest crevices of your crotch. Yeah, there might be some scary stuff down there, but it’s more like STDs, not WMDs.
Getting back to Bin Laden, taking out this guy has apparentlyinflamed terrorism!That’s what we’re being told anyway. Be on high alert! The ghost of Bin Laden now haunts the airports across the USA and he might pull a fast one even from beyond the grave! Or his “followers” might rise up in a global backlash, because they’re really angry. And they won’t use the backs of their hands, either.
So now, instead of celebrating thesafetyand security we were promised at the conclusion of this manhunt against Bin Laden, we’re being informed that the success of that mission leads us directly into — guess what? More terror!
Hence the whole genius of declaring was on a concept like “terror.” You see, as long as you don’t declare war on a person or a country,the war is perpetual. Even if you kill the top military generals and national leaders, you can always claim “terror” is still at war with America! Thus, there is no condition under which the “war on terror” ever ends.
Perpetual war. Perpetual fear. Perpetual security alerts. It’s the new standard of fear in America: Be afraid at every moment, because theterroristsare still out there, and they apparently hate freedom. America loves freedom, on the other hand, and you can tell by how much we keep taking it away from thepeople.
Why we have perpetual war
But the real advantage of perpetual war is that you can use it to enforceperpetual police state tacticsagainst your own people. After all, there’s a war on! And who is the war on? TERROR! So unzip your fly, Mr. Traveler. Your way-too-friendly TSA agents have a job to do, even if the entire justification for that job is now sixfeetunder with two bullet holes in his head.
I dare you to walk up to a TSA agent and refuse to go through security while citing thedeathof Bin Laden as the reason. Try to walk their feeble minds through that bit of logic, if you can. Do any of them even remember that Bin Laden was the entire reason they got a job in the first place? TSA agents should be worshipping Bin Laden, for without him, most of those agents would be unemployable. Their main job requirement is to follow orders and stop thinking. And honestly no private industry employer would ever bring on an employee like that. Only the government hires these types of people. Maybe one day they can get a raise and move up from molesting air passengers to raiding raw milk farmers and pulling handguns on blocks of raw cheese!
But I say now is the perfect time to get all these 60,000+ TSA agents off the public payroll! This would be the perfect way to celebrate Bin Laden’s death. First, we pink slip 60,000 TSA agents and send ’em packing. Then we revoke the Patriot Act, close Guantanamo and get to work restoring the freedoms that George W. Bush said the terrorists took away from us. The rascals! We showed ’em, huh?
Why America needs a boogeyman
Don’t hold your breath on all this, of course. America needs Bin Laden, you see. Or someone like him. Because every great war needs a great boogeyman. And Osama Bin Laden, even though he has been reported dead at least nine times over the last decade, has served a much-needed role to keep people focused on a war effort that has brought America no peace, no security and no freedom.
It is a war without end; without a mission; and without any achievable milestones of victory. It is a war designed only to keep the war going. And that part isn’t Obama’s fault, of course: We can thank the Bush-era cronies for dragging us into this quagmire. Obama is merely continuing the status quo (which, of course, is exactly what he promised to end if he got elected, but none of the people who voted for him seem to remember that anymore).
Bin Laden — winning!
The terrorists really have won, you see. America is far less free today than it was in 2001. Osama Bin Laden, after all, never had to go throughairport securityand have some overpaid goon feel up his coconuts before he could board anairplane. While Bin Laden is resting six feet under, the rest of us are still surrendering our breasts, gonads and hoohas to “domestic security forces” that treat us as if WE were terrorists!
Bin Laden never reached down my pants, you see. He may have been a criminal-minded terrorist, but I very much doubt he molestedhis own peopleas part of his security scheme. Only in America do we have sexual molestation in place as a government-sanctioned security system. So why can’t we dobehavior profilinglike the Israelis do? Because our TSA agents aren’t capable of engaging in intelligent security conversations with people, it turns out. They can’t even spot a handgun if you place it in a bag, shove the bag into the X-Ray machine and actually TRY to get caught (seriously, they failed this test). (http://www.prisonplanet.com/tsa-sca…)
So what’s the role of the TSA then, in a post-Bin Laden world, where the international terrorism mastermind is now dead and buried? The mission of the TSA, you see, is to let you know — quite literally — thatthe government has you by the balls. And they’re going to remind you of that every time you fly, regardless of whether Osama Bin Laden is dead or alive. The killing of an international terrorist makes no different anymore. You are living in aperpetual war statethat will keep ratcheting up the fear no matter how many enemies they claim to have assassinated.