Laughter's Medicine

Ask Herman Cain a Foreign Policy Question And He’ll Respond In Tongues

by Kirsten Boyd Johnson, Wonkette

Pizza shill vanity campaigner Herman Cain has inexplicably not yet exhausted his six seconds of GOP presidential field relevancy, so we must listen to him doing this thing… speaking in tongues here, in an interview, in a dark cave? “UBEKI BEKI BEKI BEKI BAH BAH STAN O BAN STAN SO WHUT WHUT,” he says. Hm, maybe it’s a sex magick spell, against Mitt Romney’s Moon Jesus? No, it’s some kind of teatard gibberish about how the country formerly called “Uzbekistan” is lame, because Herman Cain is a proudly illiterate fop when it comes to foreign policy issues and from now on anyone asking him Gotcha Questions™ (please make your twenty-three cent royalty check payable to Sarah Palin) about “the other countries on earth” will be harangued with a series of nonsense syllables for their trouble.

Herman Cain will does not need real words to describe other places, because the fictional Uzblahnistan like the rest of the Not United States planet is a realm of elves:

“I’m ready for the ‘gotcha’ questions and they’re already starting to come. And when they ask me who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I’m going to say you know, I don’t know. Do you know?

That is actually the opposite of being “ready” for a basic foreign policy “gotcha” question on a country that the United States would like to use for its military supply routes into Afghanarstupidlandia, but WHAT ABOUT THE JERBS:

And then I’m going to say how’s that going to create one job? I want to focus on the top priorities of this country. That’s what leaders do. They make sure that the nation is focused on the critical issues with critical solutions. Knowing who is the head of some of these small insignificant states around the world I don’t think that is something that is critical to focusing on national security and getting this economy going. When I get ready to go visit that country I’ll know who it is but until then I want to focus on the big issues that we need to solve.”

YOU TELL EM. He’ll Wikipedia that shit when and only when he actually goes there, like the tourists do. LEEDUHRSHIP!

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