Laughter's Medicine

Congress Says Pizza is Good For You – Counts as a Vegetable

WorstPizza.com

You remember your mom telling you to eat your vegetables or you’d never grow up to be big and strong? Well, now you can eat all the pizza you want, any flavor! – and tell her you’re always eating healthy. Why? Because pizza is now a vegetable! Ask Congress.

The four hundred and some-odd people in Washington who apparently have a lot of free time on their hands to think up great new things to foist on the American people have decided that the economy, jobs, and next year’s election campaigns aren’t nearly as important as.. defining what is and isn’t healthy for school lunches.

It appears that the lunch ladies we all remember with adoration are not capable of deciding what is proper nutrition for kids. It requires that Congress intervene. So they’re busy working out a new school lunch bill that, among other things, defines pizza as a vegetable.

No, really, this is definitely the most pressing issue in our nation right now. Whether or not pizza should be served at school lunches. I don’t know about you, but I remember pizza at school lunch. It sucked, but it was a tradition. Taking away pizza would be like removing Sloppy Joes and that weird rubbery corn that was always served in one corner of the tray. It’s just.. wrong.

I mean, come on, we all remember that delectable slice of gooey cardboard covered in tomato(ish) sauce, government cheese, and something that kind of looked like pepperoni. Right? It was awesome. Kids would trade their Jell-O for that.

So why are these congress-critters messing with tradition? Who would want to remove pizza from the menu at a school near you? Obama, that’s who. Apparently he was watching Dr. Oz on his Blackberry while driving around in that non-hybrid black tank they call the presidential limo and learned that pizza is evil stuff and kids shouldn’t eat it. OK, maybe it wasn’t Dr. Oz. I like that guy. Maybe it was Dr. Phil. He sucks enough to be someone who would say something this asinine.

So now Obama says that pizza is unhealthy. Congress response “Says you!” It’s my understanding that someone even threw out a double-dog-dare and that the Obama administration is convening to discuss whether a triple-dog and challenge to meet at the flag pole after school is in order. I’ll keep you posted.

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